T.I.N.A
a slew of allegories
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the ocean at midnight
a squirrel and a reindeer
a crack in a rupert's drop
me
a dark green leaf or a short dialogue
A penguin throwing a rock
untitled ("this is not [untitled]"? title)
Morning cold
that candle over there
beauty (true avoidants)
lightbulbs
INT Basement
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The New Romantic
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What's Over Here?
T
THIS
I
IS
N
NOT
A
ABOUT
A question.
19
I am 100 people
101 if i am myself
130 a dark green leaf: a short dialogue “Maybe its color will change!” “No way.” “But it’s fallen from the tree, not all leaves look the same!” “It will always be that dark, no hope for change.” “Fine! Then winter will come and it’ll wither away!” “One day.” “Agh you’re so useless people can change!” “Do they?” “Yes—“ “When? When everything else around them fades?
90 This is not about a locked door to a room I feel like I’m a private person. Not to the point of being secretive, no, but private. Most of my depth is hidden. Like a room, with those bear skin rugs covering a staircase to the unknown terrain of the basement. When you meet me you might just conclude I own a rug. That I killed a bear and kept it, that I’m a secret woodsman hunter despite my small frame. Or a painting, most likely some intricate landscape, or some moody thrifted antique, that hangs in front of a safe of contents only made into treasure by how I wished to protect them.
21 The squirrel and the reindeer “What are you doing here? Aren’t you cold?" said the reindeer. “Yeah,” said the squirrel. THE END 23 like the doors of a cold white room opening up to realise that it was always bright
17
incantation for the ages 🩵
Sirene in stillness
calamity in strife
careen in the dark
and return, if you choose, back to life
worn hearts in the throes of ceaseless passion
and yet, you say,
nothing happened.
my affirmation for balance ✨
Sirene in stillness
calamity in strife
careen in the dark
and return back to life
worn heart against the throes of ceaseless passion
tragic.
and yet, you say,
nothing happened.
18
Self love, two halves of a whole
Sirene in stillness,
calamity in strife
careen in the dark
and return, if you choose, back to life
worn hearts in throes of ceaseless passion
tragic.
and yet, you say,
nothing happened.
24 there are thousands of stars in the sky but the sun keeps us blind to them you, my love, are the sky itself the sea and stars you are the wind that tickles the stars and makes them glitter with glee you are the waves that brush softly on the tender sand you are the earth that marries the sky by the blessing of twilight but not by mine ily kisses
13.6 The ocean at midnight stuck in the ocean at midnight met at the wrong time drifting and lost at sea thrashing around not to drown how did you manage to see me? you are the like ocean at midnight a mystery frightening to enter a depth real cloaked in illusory mystery like the dark side of a penguin before lights my heart is like an ocean at midnight alive but resting silent to drown the distress of being held above or below never with calling, calling, a breath of connection one last moment that i miss.
14.6 INT. Basement “Don’t look.” Can’t see. I can barely peak, grip on my shoulders ah!--someone next to me. Life feels better underneath the table, “I’ll stand up when I’m able” Scared then I’m falling suddenly. In a house of dark arts the true magic is being left alone. A dream of crying in a bathroom, water half still lights still bright Blindfolded but never kidnapped, just a memory I locked tight. {The ghosts in her glass jars moan.} “Yeah, I already know.” {The ghosts in her glass jars groan.} “Yeah I see it now thank you, I never loved myself alone.” {She watches them join her like fireflies into the night with closed eyes.} She’ll notice their colours in full, when the time is right.
21 The dark side of the moon There is no light side it is just a rock orbiting a thing orbiting the source of light and the wealth of all existence. I’m the unhappiness of the moon that feels burned by the sun. The rock orbiting a cooler rock, there’s not much else to it but the name. Why do I need to prove myself to you? We are different and not the same. The tragedy of the smaller one, the struggle we all seem to bring. By staying focused on the revolving illumination of all sides of our lives. I’m the pale in comparison of the Earth blind to the difference between it and the moon And the light that pierces through the frame. 23 I cut off my right hand Because i need it too much
15.4.24
turn off
i guess you kinda cool
but i attach like water to snow
i won’t let you in
but keep trying once more
that you have a mind like mine
i think i’ll just turn off
because you turn me on
and my words come out all wrong
i think i’ll just turn off
maybe i wasn’t meant for love all along
it really is your loss
i’ll burn you too bright
my stupid little moth
someday far away you’ll be better off
[4] you better prove me wrong
i think i’ll just turn off
because you turn me on
and my words come out all wrong
i think i’ll just turn off
maybe i wasn’t meant for love after all
goodbye, so long
you can’t like my body
do you really want me?—
i think i’ll just turn off
because i said the wrong words
and i thought about it too long
i guess i’ll just turn off
i don’t want to come off too strong
i guess i’ll just turn off
it’s hard to trust you
i got it from my mom
i think i’ll just turn off
but you’re hard to lose
that’s why I’m singing this song
i think i’ll just turn off
because i like you and it’s all your fault
.
a song for LA
2025 on May 23
I fear I’m plagued by the angel of suspicion.
The one that’s faceless without any wings to wear.
It steals the voice of reason,
that one-faceless that guides us through every season,
and creates unnecessary fright.
ffs it can’t even fly—
Suspicion has no eyes, just black voids where they’ve been stabbed out and where it failed to cry.
Its lips speak in a whisper
say words that sound vaguely familiar
that’s why I call it a plague.
It’s a parasite with no disease.
I think I saw it in a dream.
Oh you’re wondering why there are so many headphones around here. No we’re not sponsored, music is magic. It explains the inexplicable feelings through experiences we haven’t fully lived. Listen, to the hum of the whispers, the subconscious whirring. Our thoughts sing a hopeless song, perhaps someone will finally dance with us.
27
Today
What if I was sparkly
I want a shine that amazes the masses
makes them squint
I want a “oh wow”
Imagine it. They see me and a shine but with PASSION
“oh wow”
“she’s so cool”
“she shines with passion”
“oh wow wow"
A double wow!
Ah I feel childish but I can’t help but wish for this.
Too often I heard nothing at all
Or faint whispers saying things far in an attempt to refrain
I could make this happen, commit myself to this. It’s not hard to make the people say oh wow, often people need to be told what they want
…I say as I brood.
There is no harm in them fantasising
but as a subversion of reflection it feels stale. Disgusting.
This is normal, right?
Perhaps if I sparkled I could burn them
It is not enough that I already do
I want to feel the warmth while they envy
and I want an “oh wow”
I wish I sparkled so I could be seen
Look at me I say
For I am creative and cool
and oh so gay
my light has kept myself warm but I fear no one has seen it
endlessly I look for signs
Do people enjoy it when i’m near?
Do I leave their hearts feelings warmth and fuzzy?
No one likes to gaze at the sun
or stand too close
hence why I pull away.
3
you mean something to me
and just like that i’ve lost control
5
the meaning of your body
a kiss
forehead
security and admiration
,a silent way of saying you are safe here,
eyes
they have seen enough
i give them love so that they can rest
nose
you’re special like that little reindeer
alternatively, you are a degenerate liar
i’m onto you
lips
8 letters but i’m whispering it to you
neck
,communicates deep passion
shoulder
affection admiration
comfort and intimacy
up the arm
i want to trace you my picture perfect specimen
hand
the instruments of the maker
,interest of starting a relationship,
respect and admiration
nxxxxxx:
of course
stomach
kiss through the skin to the child
or a simple request,
bear my children
down the thigh
appreciating the journey
xxxxx
hunger
knees
asking to enter
thanking the door
cinderella
devotion
29
kisses on your lips
feel the stain burn light
love to see you grin
never felt so alive
nowhere else to run
im terrified
entrapped by the bliss,pure high
--
called you tuesday morning
thought i’d try my luck
a message saying yes
panic now,a rush
{}
damper in the daylight
the moon’s left the sun
flashing lights pampered life
undone
kisses on your lips
feel the stain burn light
love to see you grin
never felt so alive
nowhere else to run
im terrified
entrapped by the bliss,pure high
{}
+slow refrain
kisses on your lips
feel the stain burn light
love to see you grin
never felt so alive
nowhere else to run
im terrified
entrapped by the bliss, pure high
.
tempered anguish?
9
summer the last month/
a diss track towards the sun
the season where it all burns
the season where the sun beams its judgement on humanity
the earth scorches with blame
the sea enjoying its baseless rage.
now comes the time where things born are forced to grow
tadpoles face the discomfortable movement of adulthood
flowers resign to wait for their beauty to get them killed
the harshest season
now comes the time where things born are forced to grow
rejuveniate, and multiply
or they choose blistering stagnation
underneath the sun’s persistent gaze
comforting their bodies to the chargrin of their restless soul
nothing is calm in summer
nothing lasts except the heat
trees swelter into each other
leaves booming more green
man absorbs the heat
the season where it all burns
ever so hot
breath stifled into quick gasps
there is no longer anticipation
16
and i look at that old photograph
and know that the love has passed
i remember how we used to laugh
as if i thought it all would last
818
i get very bored i think
in people i create many self portraits
amidst the flow of living
i have these moments before the stroke of midnight
[shocked, paralysis]
because the world didn’t end everytime i felt it did
and now i’m closer to the dream
7
appreciation for photographers 2.24
more into the experience, the dynamics, the intensity of the day to day than the passion in those still timeless moments.
I love them, they understand what it’s like to see a vision that lives in the perception of life. Capturing feeling. Makeup artists highlight what is to be captured with cultural abstractions of meaning and shape. Fashion designers drape the body to adorn the grace in how it exists.
10 a crack in a rupert’s drop “Push, push, push, then suddenly a thin line of wear. Imagine that, right? Physicist’s going ‘damn did I do thattt?’, mathematicians losing their minds, scientists going crazy. Because, after - - years, the uncrackable thing…cracked. Now relax it didn’t break, reality’s not gone yet but it was INVINCIBLE once upon a time…does the mystique just evolve now that it’s changed, or did we test to see it break? But wait, the best part: there, standing still like a tick of success, the glass dances and flows around the breaking point then, beautifully, chaotically, weirdly…heals itself. Imagine that. That’s what growth from pain is like, that kind of disruptively remarkable. I think if you stopped listening from the start then you don’t understand growth at all” *inspired by 48 straight hours of Bojack Horseman ⏯️
32:
Lipsync
The quiet intimacy of knowing when to softly breathe to sing
It’s something to be explored
12
your voice goes unnoticed but someone asks you to speak
words dribble out senselessly
then slowly fade
retreating to the unwavering reign of those memories